If you’ve ever
found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or
even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment. You may even
have given it yourself at some point. The silent treatment can happen in
romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents
and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a
situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to
deal with a problem. In these cases, once the heat of the moment passes, so
does the silence.
The silent treatment can also be part of a
broader pattern of control or emotional abuse.
When it’s used regularly as a power play, it can make you feel rejected or
excluded. This can have a huge effect on your self-esteem. The silent
treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the
victim to reconcile with the perpetrator to end the behavior, even if the
victim doesn’t know why they’re apologizing. Mostly, employed by passive
personality types to avoid conflict and confrontation, while strong personality
types use it to punish or control. Some people may not even consciously choose
it at all. A person may be flooded with feelings they can’t put into words, so
they just shut down.
But the silent
treatment ultimately harms the person causing it, too. Humans are predisposed
to reciprocate social cues, so ignoring someone goes against our nature. The
perpetrator is therefore forced to justify the behavior to keep doing it; they
keep in mind all the reasons they’re choosing to ignore someone. You end up
living in a constant state of anger and negativity. Before diving into
ways to respond to the silent treatment, it’s important to know how to
recognize when it becomes abusive. Sometimes, going silent may be the best
thing to avoid saying things you would later regret. People might also use it
in moments where they don’t know how to express themselves or feel overwhelmed.
But some
people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or
creating emotional distance. If you’re on the receiving end of this kind of
treatment, you might feel completely ostracized.
If you believe
you’re experiencing emotional abuse, you don’t have to put up with it. Consider
whether or not you want to maintain a relationship with that person.
If it’s your
spouse or partner, you both may benefit from couples counseling or individual
therapy to learn better ways to manage conflicts.
When the
silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame
yourself. It’s not your fault. You’re not responsible for their behavior, no
matter what they tell you. If that person genuinely wants to change, they’ll
get themselves into counseling.
You need to
take care of your own emotional needs, which may include breaking off the
relationship. It’s important not to isolate yourself at this time. Maintain
your social contacts. Reach out to family and friends for support.
